I constantly say how amazing having a baby is. I would never have understood it until I did it. It changes you in a lot of ways. I didn’t realize I could love someone as much as I love M.. until we had A. They occupy equal parts of my heart. My heart is so full with love. So full. They are my heart. My soul. It really is a spectacular thing – parenthood. Watching her learn something new everyday. Seeing the world all around her. It is beautiful – she is beautiful.
But.. and there is a but. Having a child is tough as well. It’s not all roses and butterflies. I try to keep that in prospective – through the tough times, it doesn’t last long. I realize that she is only going to be at a certain stage for such a short time in her life. I enjoy it all – the sleepless nights, the poop.. the smiles. Oh the smiles! Watching her grow. Her character, even though she is not yet 7 months old, she has SO much character.
My days used to be filled with paying out Mortgages, talking to lawyers, going to work. Now they are filled with this tiny little human who encloses my entire day into her little fist. It’s filled with nursing her, changing her diaper, pumping, dressing her, preparing her solids, feeding her solids, cleaning up, doing laundry, playing with her, reading to her. I was saying to M the other day how I used to have what seemed like so much free time before having our Little One. Now? What free time?! Free time does not exist. I try and make a point of either watching some tv or reading once a day while she is down for a nap. Sometimes I find myself cleaning instead of taking time out for myself. I really believe that we as Mother’s need some alone time. Some time to focus on ourselves. Even if it is just 15 minutes out of the day. Easier said than done, I know! We also need to find the time to focus on our partners. M and I have been through so much together. A long distance relationship. Being broke. Death. Family issues. Dating at a young age. Moving across the country together. Getting in what could have been a serious car accident. Getting married. Having a baby. All of these things have made us stronger.. have brought us even closer together. But it is much more difficult to just.. sit and talk for a few minutes with him now that we have A. She does occupy so much of our time, and that is fine. We will get through it. But it is a change for us, one that we will embrace and work on. We still go out and do things, but now we have a little person that tags along! I love this little family of mine entirely, completely, absolutely. And M? He was, is and always will be.. my best friend.
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